hmmm...inside my head during dialysis...

i wrote this last week....was too...hmm...lazy to put it up i guess to be honest. kinda kiddish reli but i say it like it is :P  ::::

Dialysis was pretty eventful today. When poppy and I reached today, we were told that  the other patient in the room had a respiratory infection. So we were given face masks. And yes, even after he left, I folded it n carefully pocketed it. Dunno. Its my first yeah but guess its just cos I havnt been so involved with poppy’s dialysis  in the past 3 years like I have been in the past one week. When another patient came to the other bed, the nurse asked me to hold the lady’s arm so that she could find her vein. I saw, at close quarters, the thickness of the needle they use. It is mighty scary. The lady’s face crumpled in pain and I wanted so badly to stroke her hair and tell her its okay. But she was finding relief in her faith…she kept chanting prayers to herself softly.

Ive always wanted to hold pa’s hand when he is being cannulated. But im afraid I’ll hurt him more by squeezing his hand out of fear and nervousness. It just reminds me of all those times poppy held my hand when I was being injected for a hundred other reasons. I wish poppy wouldn’t have to go through this. I wish nobody had to. I keep wondering why God would do this. Is it for some sin he committed? What? Why would god inflict diseases like this upon anybody? I’ll never stop  wondering…and I cant seem to find an answer.

We aren’t in the main dialysis room. The main room in this hospital always seems to me an area of utter and total chaos. I guess that’s why poppy prefers this tiny room for two patients only. The main room is cluttered with ten beds, the nurses station, ten dialysis machines and various other paraphernalia assosciated with the treatment…whuch is a lot of stuff. Most hospitals do not allow people to stand beside the patient.  This hospital does. Which is the sole reason for why I can tell you all this about the workings of a dialysis room.

Well, there are a lot of people inside the room. When poppy does dialysis in that room, I keep to myself, folded up in a corner. And I while away four hours staring at everybody rushing around amidst the din caused by the beeping machines, people talkig and random movies or music shows that are playing on the television mountedon the wall. There are tubes everywhere going out of every patient, into a beeping blinking machine, out of the machine, back into the person intertwining the veins and arteries with blue and red tubes, connecting man to machine. A man made machine functioning for an organ God created to function for a lifetime.

Sometimes, the machines sound alarms for various reasons and then people run around more. People like me, new to the whole thing, look up alarmed. Others, used to it, might not even take a glance. The nurses keep checking poppy’s blood pressure. Theyre all very friendly and extremely chatty. Its nice in loads of ways. It keeps spirits up…I see it on poppy’s face. Quiet person that I am, I just smile and answer in short sentences. Cannot bring myself to talk much.

I enjoy these tiny hours of quiet time with poppy. When im tired, I just lay my head on his shoulder and he’ll pat my head till I fall asleep. Always, always being my loving poppy. 

tah-dah!! colourama

this was something my friend Swetha and i co-authored when we worked at Mudra, an ad agency in kochi. Danny, who was to look after us through those two weeks where we interned there, had us write a copy test. well, one of the questions in the test was to invent a weather of our own and write about it just like how it would be explained in a 4th standard text book. well here's what we came up with!!!

COLOURAMA

            This weather occurs during the months of January and February in a few islands off the coast of Australia. The temperature of this time stays at a constant -20 degree Celsius without snowfall and without any movement of air. The atmosphere is calm and still.

Bonk

          The unique feature of this season is BONK. Bonk is a slightly viscous, multicolored moderately hot liquid that rains over these islands continuously over the period of two months. A faint smell of tomatoes fills the air when it bonks.

        When it bonks, the leaves change color according to the color of the bonk drop that falls on it. The bark does not change color. The mud found on these islands are black and it absorbs the bonk without any change in color.

Lifestyle

      The houses on the islands are designed to withstand the effects of this weather. The walls are made of glass and as wood repels bonk the sloping roof is wooden. The roof is designed to touch the ground so that the bonk runs into the mud.

       As this weather is unique to these islands the inhabitants of these islands have developed a special bonk resistant material called  REBONK .Rebonk is a white rubber like material, quite similar to that which swimming gear is made of. During this season the islanders wear body suits made of rebonk and black galoshes and they carry transparent umbrellas to protect them from bonk which has some unusual effect on the human body. One of the effects is that hair changes color on contact just like leaves do. On contact with skin, bonk reacts with the skin causing a high amount of hair growth in that area. This problem solves by itself in a day or two.

:D 

and more...

by the way, the last two paintings of the previous post were painted on walls... :)

yow!!! 

an ants life...and death [i wrote this initially on facebook..now ive put it here... =) ]

and so i was walking along minding my own business trying to get to that bit of food id seen earlier. it was just another hot day and all my 6 feet were hurting. and suddenly a shadow loomed over me big and black and threatening and my whole body burst into pain unlike anything id ever felt before. my whole world blacked out in an instant.

i dont know how much later it was but i opened my eyes and shook my head to clear the buzzing...when did the bees decide to pay us ants a little attention? everything around me seemed white...or was i dreaming...i closed my eyes again. the ground under me felt satin soft...the air was cool...i felt...whole.

"i'm not where i was before" i yelped and opened my eyes again and looked all around. and up. and there he was, smiling the most loving smile. wait a minute, he was actually looking at me!! me!! most people dont even notice us ants. most ants dont even notice me.but im pretty sure he was smiling at me because id looked around...there wasnt anybody else around me!!

i smiled back hesitantly...he stroked my head ever so softly and lovingly. and i relaxed. relaxed more than i ever had. 

i knew i was in heaven. free from the heat and cold and water. free from other ants that lorded over me all the time just because i was quiet. free from the constant fear of being stepped on by humans or animals...always having to scutter around carefully...watching out constantly to make sure i wasnt going to be crushed any moment under those ginormous feet or by those tiny cute monsters they call babies. free from the bees that constantly buzzed at us. free from being hungry most winters and being shooed from plates of glorious food when i was hungry.

aahh...peace. i looked up at God and whispered "thank you"

to begin with

well...here i am...ermm yes tat was very unecessary i know but i just felt like saying it! :P

to be honest...i dnt know wat this particular post is about...im just writing it because i couldnt stop myself from beginning the blog...its this feeling like...hmm..when u buy a book that u just cant wait to get home, get under the comforter and begin to read...or when u buy the most scrumptious cake and you cant wait to just dig in...or like..hmm..when my sister milin came home with little kia just after she was born...i just wanted to pick up that delicious child and kiss her and bite her chubby cheek..i couldnt wait!! well...it was a similar feeling when i set up the blog. so i now find myself writing this post. and im back to wondering what im trying to write about. 

theres this feeling...you have a lot in your head and you want to bring it all out but your just not able to pull one sane thought out of the whole mess...like a tightly wound knotted up ball of thread that you just cant undo...sort of reminds me of these pictures i took last night around the same time when pops and i were driving back to calicut. all the reflectors on the highway looked so pretty and i wanted to take pictures of them. but the car kept bumping over the reflectors and well...u'll see... i'll add the pic... :)

oh...im just gonna sleep..