i look at the both of you. you seem really happy. seems to me that in your minds, i will, just like your other children, be successful at what i do, get married to a really really good guy and settle down, make money, make a home, make children. it seems to me from what i see, that to you, all these are given facts. that when you say anything about it, i agree or that i dont mind when inwardly, im actually cringing, wondering n planning my escape route, my one way highway to freedom from this. because i really dont want to. and im so very unsure about if i dont want to or if i want to. im so confused in my own head. how can you be so sure that the future will go according to how you believe it will go?
what would you say if i told you that i dont want to get married?
what would you think? would all ur dreams/thoughts/hopes for your futures and mine crash all around you? would you be enraged? would you be saddened? or as always, would my decision dissapoint you and put you in a fix? would you think about the grandkids you hoped n thought youd have but who i threw out of the window before your eyes with that one sentence? did i slash your dreams? a son-in-law who will never be? the tons of kids (yourr grandkids) that i once said i wanted become a dream n just a dream? is that what happens when i say i dont want to get married?
does my decision anger you? do you wonder why i keep making decisions that are against your wishes and ways of life? do you wonder why i keep putting you in a bad fix? why i put you in a situation where you have to answer awkward questions asked by the nosiest of the nosy (besides every other person on the planet)?
or would you just cry and beg me to think again? to think about it long and hard and change my decision? would you put your foot down this time and say "no can do"? would you force me to get married? what would you do?
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